Ultimate Song Fic, Part One.
by Alan Smithee
Summary: PAID FOR BY THE COMMITTEE OF ALAN SMITHEE DETRACTORS: Reason number one why no one, not even the *great* Alan Smithee, should try an album fic.


Greetings, to all. Welcome to Biography, I am Alan Smithee. Tonight 's subject: The life of Rinoa Heartilly, the "goddess of the underground" in the movements to liberate Timber.   
  
We recently got a chance to speak with Ms.Heartilly about whatever. Here is a transcript of that interview.  
A.S: Greetings, Rinoa. So, what's been going on?  
R.H:Not much, Alan.   
A.S: Let's get right to business.  
R.H: That's so forward! Honestly, I have a boyfriend...  
A.S: I didn't mean in that manner. You've been well known to be outspoken about your various beliefs....  
R.H: Well, Alan...(Note for AR music buffs: Track 1.)  
I don't mean to piss you off with things I might say  
But when I try to shut my mouth they come out anyway  
When I speak my mind, that's when we connect  
But that's not politically correct  
A.S.: Granted. I don't like that stuff either.   
R.H:Our heads are so filled with thought, we can't use our imagination  
Like a sky so filled with stars, you can't find a constellation  
And everyone's so sensitive to every bad vibration  
We're so impressing while we're regressing  
A.S. I agree. I mean,  
There's nothing I believe in more than my own insignificance  
So why does everybody think that my words can make a difference  
I just don't have time to think up every social consequence  
I'll just keep on talking you keep applauding  
I don't mean to piss you off with things I might say  
But when I try to shut my mouth they come out anyway  
If you spoke your mind you might feel more connected  
Until you get politically corrected  
R.H: I mean,   
You lean a little to the left or the right but  
You can only see what's on your side.  
Look a little like a deer in the headlights  
A little blind a little hypnotized.  
So you conform with the best of intention  
Change comes from inside.  
After all that's what this country was founded on  
Do nothing different just fall in line.  
A.S. Exactly, I mean,   
What happened to make us so afraid  
You couldn't make a Mel Brooks movie today  
I saw Blazing Saddles yesterday  
  
Heartilly apparently went towards becoming a revolutionary after a meeting with former boyfriend Seifer Almasy, the "bad seed" of the Balamb Garden. We caught up with Almasy and asked about this.  
A.S: So, what's been going on?  
S.A: When do I get paid?  
A.S: You aren't getting paid. We would just like to know what you thought about Rinoa Heartilly.  
S.A. You want to know what I thought about her? Here's my exact thoughts, mirrored every day we were together.(T2.)  
A.S: Go with it...   
S.A:She clings to me like cellophane  
Fake plastic submarine  
Slowly driving me insane  
But now that's over  
So what if the sex was great  
Just a temporary escape  
Another thing I grew to hate  
But now that's over  
A.S: Honestly, that's a little harsh...  
S.A: SHUT THE FUCK UP!Why you always kick me when I'm high  
Knock me down till we see eye to eye  
Figured her out I know she  
May not be Miss Right but she'll do right now  
I used to hang on every word  
Each lie was more absurd  
Kept me so insecure  
But now that's over  
She taught me how to trust  
And to believe in us  
And then she taught me how to cuss ... that bitch!  
It's over  
I used to be such a nice boy  
A.S: Your instructors would say otherwise on that last part...  
S.A: (draws gunblade) THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!  
  
Heartilly had obviously lived completely under her father, a high-ranking general in the Galbadian Army's, belief structure until she met Almasy. Once she did, she began to see the cracks in his beliefs, calling him on many of them. Eventually, she started using her mother's maiden name instead of her father's name. That was the last straw. They started fighting, first verbally, then physically. Caraway was nearly arrested a few times, but his musician wife always paid for bail in the hopes that they could make amends. However, one day, it wasn't enough. We have checked with Ms.Heartilly, and she's agreed to reenact what went through her head when she left.(T7)  
  
  
All she's asking is for a little more time,  
INT. Rinoa's room. She's packing some bags.  
To walk away from his anger and leave the bruises far behind  
Rinoa ties up some bedsheets and leaves the area.  
She won't talk about it...she's made up her mind  
Rinoa throws her bags downward and climbs down.  
But as the front door shuts behind her she whispers "give me a sign."  
Rinoa calls Angelo and they walk towards the car rental shop. Rinoa rents a car and gets in.  
Feels the power of the engine as she climbs to 65  
Every piston sounds like freedom, every white line says goodbye  
Rinoa leaves the city limits and heads off the road.  
She'll find strength in her anger and the truth in his lies  
The car runs out of gas, she runs toward the nearest city.  
When the last scar finally fades she'll have a new life  
As the morning breaks, she reaches Timber.  
Say goodbye to Mr. Right  
She falls asleep on the train station.  
Lock the door, turn out the light  
Pack your bags, leave this trap  
Run away, don't look back  
She wakes up and sees Zone and Watts.  
See another day with each new sun  
"Who are you?" Zone asks.  
"The name's Rinoa...Heartilly," Rinoa replies.  
Your life has just begun  
"Isn't this the daughter of that general in Galbadia, sir?" Watts asks.  
"I think that could work, whether she's the real one or not. I think we'll just call her..'the princess,' just in case." Zone replies.  
She can still feel the touch of his hand  
She pulls out an obviously dated picture of her and her family.  
Not just the violence but the warmth of her man  
She grabs it, tears out the picture of her father, and puts it inside a book.  
The night she never felt so alive  
even though it feels so cold outside  
It's the first time I've ever seen her smile  
You see her go back to sleep.  
  
  
  
Heartilly's defection to the rebels was known to have hurt her father, a well-known general in the Galbadian army. We have gained from him a message he used to attempt to try and bring her home:  
  
Announcer: And now, a message from our esteemed General Caraway.   
General Caraway: Greetings, people of Galbadia and its territories. I've come to you to try and appeal to one person. Rinoa, I'm sorry I disapproved of your boyfriend. Please come home. Me and your mother are worried sick.  
Announcer: Is that it? Come on! You bought the time! We don't have enough time for this dead air!  
General Caraway: I'm sorry, but what more do I say?  
Announcer: Anything! Whatever's in your heart! Come on! We have sponsors to think about!  
General Caraway: Okay, how's this? (T3)  
  
I confess it's all true.  
I'm a mess, what a fool  
Now what do I do  
I need your help to get up from my knees  
I can't seem to see the forest for the trees  
As I wait in my silent misery  
All I'm asking is please...forgive me  
Now she knows me  
She wants me to be  
Someone I can't be  
...and she wants me  
...and she needs me  
...and she wants me  
Because she loves me  
SHATTERED  
Announcer: That's good. That's really good.   
General Caraway:Now you see inside  
I no longer hide  
Or fall between the cracks you left behind  
Shattered, now you're out of time  
You've come this far to be denied  
What a shame, I'm to blame  
  
  
However, there was a lot of suffering in the quarrel, as Heartilly didn't respond to this call for her to return. In her absence, her father was out of whack, actually coming close to losing a battle against the Esthar forces. His subsequent appearance on "GALBADIA TODAY with ALAN SMITHEE" told the tale more than anything:  
A.S: General Caraway, welcome to our show.  
G.C: Do you know where Rinoa is?  
A.S: I'm sorry, I haven't seen her. We all know about how much you miss your daughter. Is there anything you need to say about that?  
G.C: Well, just that...(T4)  
  
I just can't seem to concentrate today  
It seems my mind is wandering away  
And all the things swimming through my head  
Fade away as I go back to bed.  
And I close my eyes  
And see how fast time flies  
'Cause sunrise comes too soon.  
I'm never out of bed before noon  
Waking up too late seems too soon  
And I could never be Neil Armstrong  
I'd be the last man on the moon  
A.S: Well, has this experience changed you in any way?  
G.C: I'm glad you asked that.   
I used to live in a world of black and white  
Until my dreams turned day into night  
And now I'm never out of bed before noon  
Waking up too late seems too soon  
I close my eyes  
And wait for the surprise  
In a place I know I belong  
In my head I can do no wrong  
I could never be Neil Armstrong  
I'd be the last man on the moon 


End file.
